Both Sides Now
A Unique Perspective on His Survival by Stroke Survivor and Comedian
Most stroke survivors look back on their CVA and remark “What the …?” They have a point. We here at Stroke Central have considered strokes to be pretty lousy. However, according to a recent study by the Institute of Discovering Things That Make You Go “What the …?” in the first place, we have learned in almost every scenario there is a positive side. So in the spirit of fairness let’s take a look at both.
BAD: BANG! You’re disabled. Once you learn to walk again it takes you a week to get from your front door to your car because you now move at the speed of rust.
GOOD: Finally, you can mellow out and take your time. Listen to the birds. Smell the roses. If you live in an overcrowded city, you’ll also smell the stench of rotten garbage as you lumber by mountains of trash bags piled curbside like beached whales. Now there’s an aroma that will forever be seared into the memory banks of your damaged brain. But hey, isn’t it great to be alive?
BAD: Speaking of memory, congratulations! You no longer have one. Did you lock your apartment door when you left… turn off the gas… feed Mister Bottomsly… mail those checks — who knows? So you slog back in a panic only to discover you did do all those things. Your therapist suggests using Post-it® Notes to jog your memory. However, you need so many you end up depleting your 401K to buy them.
GOOD: Sure, your memory is shot. But now when you read the daily headlines you instantly forget them — no more worrying and waking up in the middle of the night screaming in asphyxiating terror. Spoiler alerts are a thing of the past. Wanna tell me what happened in the finale of “Game Of Thrones”? Go right ahead… ‘cause it’s all new to me.
BAD: Depression — brings on feelings of anger, helplessness, embarrassment and shame. This is usually triggered by your insurance company’s lack of coverage.
GOOD: You yell at the insurance representative like a parent at a Little League game which, as it turns out, is more effective than all those weird mouth exercises your speech therapist has you practice.
BAD: Cognitive problems. You’re embarrassed because you can’t follow conversations at parties.
GOOD: You’ve figured out how to make this work by pretending you’re from some exotic foreign country and English is your second language. This instantly makes you fascinating, especially when you regale everyone with stories about being a poor shepherd boy in Kazakhstan tending your flock at the foot of the Ural Mountains. Everyone will swoon and want to take you home as their pet. Well done!
So, you see, there really are some good aspects to having a stroke. But you gotta keep it on the down low otherwise everyone will assume we’re enjoying ourselves too much. Before you know it they’ll start jack hammering wheelchair ramps, revoking our handicap parking permits, eliminating mass transit discounts and early boarding privileges. Then you’ll really look back on your stroke and say, “What the …?”
This information is provided as a resource to our readers. The tips, products or resources listed or linked to have not been reviewed or endorsed by the American Stroke Association.